I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
