Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
