I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
