Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize