Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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