Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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