Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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