I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
