my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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