forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
