we have pet lesbian snakes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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