so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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