I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize