Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
