the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
