Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
