my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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