My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
