dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
