i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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