I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
3pm strippers are depressing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
