Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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