Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
