ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize