last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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