i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
