Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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