You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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