I met the friendliest cop last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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