im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
