you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
