Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
