he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
