I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
