They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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