Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
