im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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