I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
