I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
