I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
