You're completely useless in the revolution.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
