Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
