their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
