i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
