idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
