I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
