"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
