o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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