Im at strip club and am horny
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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