He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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