Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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