don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
