I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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