saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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