Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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