I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
