I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
