Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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