you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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