I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
