I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I will pee on everything he values.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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