I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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