oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
