i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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