i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
