I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
