Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
