and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
