she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
