Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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