A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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