Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
