I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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