the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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