my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
