she looked like the bat from fern gully.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
