For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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