Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
