im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
