A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
