But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
