I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
