I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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