So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
