Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
