We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
