Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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