I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
