Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
