can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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