HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he fucked my hip out of place.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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