please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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