PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When did angry sex become our thing?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
