oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
