You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
