From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
