First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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