I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize