My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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