chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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