Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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