Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
