Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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