im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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