I can text with my tongue
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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