what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
