Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
